— First ring around the pit: TV stars and producers.

— Second ring: TV supporting stars and others not part of any heavily nominated project, and members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Assn.

— Outer ring: Journalists, hangers-on and other flotsam who somehow conned their way in.

Random observation No. 2
Johnny Depp seems to occupy some other-worldly tortured artist stratosphere that makes the rest of Hollywood look down to Earth. He was the only star I saw who had a bodyguard escorting him around the room. When he came out to smoke, the guard warded off a couple of thrill seekers approaching him by saying, "Can we please leave him alone for a minute."

The countdown
True to legend, a cocktail party atmosphere prevails as the room fills. Producers, execs and other muckety-mucks greet each other. Donald Sutherland stands at a table in the center of the room, seeming to hold court. Nonheavyweights in the outer rings attend to the tandoori shrimp appetizers on their plates.

In the near empty lounge off the main room, the cast of "Will and Grace" have their first drinks of the night — champagne for Debra Messing; beer for the gentlemen. Nathan Lane greets one with, "Hello, Sean Hayes."

Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams cower with endearing nervousness and discomfort in a corner.

Fifteen minutes to air and the waiters hover nervously around the tables, willing everyone through their meals in these final moments so the food service can be completed before the show starts. Waiters leap to swap devoured shrimp plates for platters of steak and fish with asparagus, carrot and tater tot main course. With eight minutes to go, a flood of celebrities gushes down the aisle onto the floor. Near pandemonium erupts as people struggle to find their seats amidst waiters flinging dessert courses — vanilla ice cream topped by a hard chocolate gold dome — into place at the tables.

Over the P.A., an announcer begs people to be seated. "It is six minutes to curtains. We need all celebrities in their seats for opening shots. Security, publicists, producers, please help us and bring them inside the ballroom!"

Celebs tumble in faster than I can identify them. Pierce Brosnan, Mel Brooks and Natalie Portman race past in one eyeful.

Five minutes away and the "Lost" table gives themselves a big toast. One minute left and total chaos reigns. The announcer calls out: "Waiter! There is a serving tray by Mr. Sutherland." He does not say which Mr. Sutherland, Donald and Kiefer both being present.

Ten seconds to air and it seems impossible that things will get started on time. The room looks like it is in the midst of a civil insurrection, with little sign the National Guard is due anytime soon.

"Lost" star Dominic Monaghan desperately looks for his table, a search made harder now that the table numbers have been removed. As the final countdown begins, he throws himself down at the table in front of me.