Her co-star, Ali Larter, holds a conversation nearby, revealing that she started working out with her trainer at 7 a.m., but that he, "keeps it really positive."

Also interesting, a team of French motorcycle police line the aisles in full dress regalia. They seem to be serving as the security force here, or at least the decorative security detail, while the guys with the earpieces and sleeve mikes do the grunt work.

Naked spectacle
As the the planet's greatest concentration of beauty and glamour slowly breaks off the carpet and makes its way into the ballroom, a swarthy, overweight, middle-aged man stops traffic dead. As Rainn Wilson, who plays Dwight on "The Office" passes the man, he freezes and gasps, "Oh my God, it's the guy from Borat."

It is indeed the guy from Borat, the naked producer from Borat to be exact. Speaking in uninflected perfect American English, Ken Davitian graciously greets his admirers, seeming genuinely thrilled to be in the room.

He gets more than he likely bargained for as John Stamos relates to him an unprintable story about being told during an intimate moment of Mr. Davitian's unclad screen prowess, a story that, Stamos says, brought his enthusiasm for the unfolding intimacy to a rapid end.

Sitters never win
The final pre-show countdown gets under way. With three minutes to go, the room is pandemonium, celebs flooding in. Parades of unlikely juxtapositions collide as the announcer begs the room to be seated. The "Grey's Anatomy" table toasts themselves, while not far away the "Studio 60" crew looks somber and glum.

Clint Eastwood strides in, looking unhurried as ever, and even at his age, he's a man not to be trifled with. Publicists rush their charges to their tables. One tells Jamie Foxx there is a rumor that Prince is throwing a party in Foxx's suite. Foxx laughs. Sharon Stone stumbles past with date Dominick Dunne.

A poignant moment amidst the mayhem: Jim from "The Office" walks in and stands at the top of some stairs, looking around for his table. Pam from "The Office" sees him enter, flies over and beckons him from the bottom of the stairs. As he starts to walk towards her, his attention is distracted by a woman in a silver evening gown and he is pulled off in another direction, leaving Pam standing awkwardly alone. Life imitates art all too faithfully.

With seconds to go, Helen Mirren strides in. The lights go dark for the pre-show tape and the army of publicists race off the floor. And suddenly George Clooney is handing out the first award.

The schmooze must go on
After a valiant attempt lasting all of 10 or 15 minutes to sit up straight and pay attention to the show, a good part of the audience decides its time to party and adjourns to the bar just off the back of the ballroom. A growing roar begins at this spot, until gradually it swallows the sound and focus of the show.

In the bar, "24" star Mary Lynn Rasjkub who plays Chloe, the show's prickly computer savant, shares her disgruntlement with co-star Kim Raver. Contrary to her expectations of spending a night with her colleagues (collectively nominated for Best Dramatic Series) Rasjkub finds she has been seated in a distant wing, far from the official show table, with a group of strangers. She confesses to being in a "dark place" about it.

When the show's mega-producer, Brian Grazer, enters and says hello, she does not hesitate to accuse him of stealing her seat. Grazer good humouredly denies all, telling her that "My Name is Earl" star Jason Lee, who has mysteriously been placed at the "24" table, is the real culprit and seat thief.