It's appropriate that Oscars are gold, since winning one can make a fortune for talent or a studio. This column will look at the business of Hollywood's awards season, and what all that money being spent really buys. Send your ideas, comments, criticisms, tips and pontifications to James.Bates@latimes.com
Behind the Screens
But I'd really like to thank...
How to translate the double-talk that is an Oscar acceptance speech.
By James Bates
February 23, 2006
We're all used to the Oscar night acceptance speeches: 45 seconds of blather thanking everyone in sight before the orchestra kicks in telling the winner to get off stage.
Wouldn't we all like to know what's really going on inside their heads?
Are they thinking of how far they have come since growing up on an Iowa farm with no running water? Or maybe dredging up painful memories of having to live without a personal assistant while playing a "Star Trek" extra?
Here's a guide to what a typical Academy Award winner is really thinking while a billion people hang on every word:
Thank you. Thank you. Please. ... You're too kind.
(Keep it up.)
I want to thank the members of the academy. ...
(Who voted for me.)
I stand here in awe of my fellow actors. I truly hated being forced to compete against you. ...
(Especially when my performance was so much better.)
When I was a boy, I watched Orson Welles in a movie called "Citizen Kane." I sat in a darkened theater and, as the curtain opened, decided this was my calling.
