Stewart provides some helpful perspective for those keeping score: "Martin Scorsese, 0 Oscars, Three 6 Mafia, one."

7:44 p.m. "Crash" takes home its first major prize, for editing. Editor Hughes Winborne thanks director Paul Haggis and also Cathy Schulman, one of the producers involved in a series of contentious lawsuits over the film's credits and profits.

7:46 p.m. Nearly 11 p.m. on the East Coast, but we're finally at one of the key categories: Best Actor. Hilary Swank presents.

7:49 p.m. Philip Seymour Hoffman wins for "Capote:" "I'm overwhelmed, I'm really overwhelmed." Not a particularly memorable speech, but Hoffman throws a nice shout-out to his mom: "She brought up four kids alone and she deserves a congratulation for that."

7:57 p.m. John Travolta presents for best cinematography. And it's win No. 3 for "Geisha" (Dion Beebe).

8:02 p.m. Reese Witherspoon wins best actress for "Walk the Line," and we get a nice disgusted reaction shot from passed-over nominee Charlize Theron. Witherspoon slathers earnest gratitude over everything: "I want to thank the Academy for this wonderful honor." Then she thanks virtually everyone she ever met: June Carter, Joaquin Phoenix, her grandmother, her mother, her husband, actor Ryan Phillippe (playing the same thankless role Chad Lowe did when wife Hilary Swank won for "Boys Don't Cry"), and on and on.

Nice. But not a water-cooler speech for Monday morning.

8:11 p.m. "Brokeback" wins for best adapted screenplay. But why did Diana Ossana rush to the stage, leaving longtime partner Larry McMurtry behind in the aisle? Is it because McMurtry failed to thank Ossana at the Golden Globes?

Presenting the award, Dustin Hoffman seemed, as usual, weird. What is it with Hoffman and the Oscars? He is one of those actors who could read a utility bill and make it sound creepy. At one point, he almost opened the envelope before reading the nominees. "It's so much easier to act than do this stuff," he says.

8:15 p.m. "Crash" wins for original screenplay (Bobby Moresco and director Paul Haggis). Haggis quotes German playwright Bertolt Brecht, and stammers while passing out thank yous. "I'm so nervous!" he says.

After Haggis finishes, Moresco approaches the microphone, but the orchestra has already started playing and the stage has gone dark. The camera cuts to shocked onlookers shaking their heads.

Sorry, Bobby. They just did too many montages early in the evening.

8:19 p.m. OK, this is it. Two final prizes left: director and best picture.

8:21 p.m. Whoop goes up when Ang Lee nabs best director for "Brokeback." Lee (looking at Oscar): "I wish I knew how to quit you." Lee said he made the film just after his father died and did it mostly for him. Then he said something in Chinese, but we can't translate, sorry.

8:24 p.m. They should make Jack Nicholson host of the Oscars. He's got the right tone of detachment for it. Jack's presenting for best picture.

8:26 p.m. Uh .... wow .... a moment of surprise, of real drama ... "Crash" wins best picture! This was ... not expected, to say the least. (Producer Bob Yari, who sued over the credits, did not rush the stage.)

Producer Cathy Schulman mentions Yari not just once but twice ... and then is played offstage as she begins thanking her husband and the rest of her family.

8:31 p.m. Well, folks, that was a bit of a letdown, wasn't it? Of course people at the office tomorrow will be talking about "Crash's" surprise win. Didn't we say at the beginning that we detected a last-minute sentiment shift toward Haggis' picture? But still .... "Brokeback" had the, well .... Mighty Mo. What happened? Discussion is starting in living rooms across America right now. Or at least those living rooms where viewers are still awake.

So, how'd Jon do? Oh .... okay. In our opinion, he did about as well as Chris Rock did, which is to say, about as well as the Academy is going to let any host do. The problem is the montages choked the life out of everything (a clip about film noir? Why? Another clip of Henry Fonda's "I'll be there" speech from "Grapes of Wrath?" Why? Don't they want young people to tune in? Those films mean nothing to them!).

It was simply very hard for Stewart to build any sort of momentum as host. Unlike, say, Billy Crystal, he just doesn't have the energy to keep things zipping along just on his presence. And with the exception of the parodies of political attack ads, Stewart stayed away from the sharp political humor that is his forte. That was a mistake.

But on the good side, Stewart didn't flub spectacularly, a la David Letterman, and he didn't insult the people who hired him, a la Rock.

So he may live to host again another day.