6:17 p.m. Stewart on the film-noir clip Bacall introduced: "You can't help watching them and think, 'Wow, how amazing they'd look in color.'" Then, we get another flash of what Stewart is capable of, with three terrific little parodies of take-no-prisoners political ads supposedly paid for by best actress nominees. One attacks Charlize Theron for always "hagging it up" and then notes that Keira Knightley is not afraid of acting while beautiful, her high cheekbones seemingly crafted of "God-dust."

6:23 p.m. Charlize Theron appears and asks, "What is truth, what is fiction and what is memoir?" We thought for a moment she was introducing James Frey, but no. She's presenting for best documentary feature. Winner? "March of the Penguins," of course. Our fave was "Murderball." See it and you'll understand.

6:28 p.m. Are we at war? Oh, yeah, we are. Jennifer Lopez strides out in an Army green gown and introduces the musical number, "In the Deep" from "Crash." Performed by Kathleen "Bird" York, the set is dominated, disquietingly, by a burning car and slo-motion dancers acting out the rescue central to the film's plot. If Rob Lowe and Snow White were a 10 on the awfulness scale, this is like a 7. Maybe an 8.

6:33 p.m. Update: Ninety minutes in. Ten out of 24 awards passed out. Not terrible pacing, but it'll take that usual last half-hour sprint to finish on time.

So far, the show's been far from killer, but it's gotten a few good lines off. Stewart's back, so let's see ....

6:34 p.m. Stewart: "If you are trying to escape a burning car, my suggestion would be not to move in slow motion."

6:36 p.m. Wow. It's looking like "Memoirs of a Geisha's" night! Just kidding .... However, it did pick up a second win for art direction, after taking home a prize for costume design. If we're not mistaken, that means "Geisha" has won more Oscars than any other film tonight ... so far.

6:42 p.m. A long, long montage of socially conscious films: "Grapes of Wrath," "Norma Rae," "On the Waterfront," "Gentleman's Agreement," etc. Stewart's response: "And none of those issues were ever a problem again."

6:43 p.m. Academy chief Sid Ganis comes out to ... well, we're not sure why he's come out, unless he's practicing for the Cliche Olympics. "State of the art storytelling may change," Ganis says, "but state of the heart storytelling will never change." Touching and so true, Sid. Now please go backstage.

6:46 p.m. Salma Hayek introduces Oscar orchestra maestro Bill Conti and then hands over to violinist Itzhak Perlman, who plays selections from the films nominated for best score.

6:51 p.m. "Brokeback Mountain" takes its first prize of the night. Composer Gustavo Santaolalla wins for the film's simple, guitar-based score.

6:57 p.m. Stewart notes that the show so far has been a little "rote" and controversy-free, but he now accuses Perlman of "finger-synching." It's an okay line, although not quite up to Billy Crystal's long-ago crack about Jack Palance bungee-jumping off the Hollywood sign. Remember that night? We do. And the fact that we do tells you something about this ceremony.

7:00 p.m. Another montage?? Puh-leeze! Nooooooooooo!!!! (sounds of whimpering, sobbing)

7:01 p.m. Stewart: "I can't wait till later, when we see 'Oscar's tribute to montages.' Holy crap, we're out of clips!"

Memo to Gil Cates, show producer: If you have another montage .... please dump it.