Best -- and worst --Grammy moments

Smallest "big" moment: Given the hype leading up to the Police reunion that opened the show, it seemed that Sting, Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland would be able to cure world hunger or restart Palestinian-Israeli peace talks. In reality, their so-so rendition of "Roxanne" didn't even garner a standing ovation.

... And round one goes to commerce: Old-timer Tony Bennett thanked Target during his acceptance speech with Stevie Wonder for Pop Collaboration With Vocals, marking a clear winner in the Art vs. Commerce discussion. Makes you wonder if Sinatra would be pimping Wal-Mart if he were still around.

Most notable athletic achievement: Give this one to Wyclef Jean, who pulled off a breathtaking standing backflip alongside Shakira during "Hips Don't Lie." Jean gets the nod over Chris Brown and his nonstop breakdancing during "Run It." Why? Because Jean's nearly old enough to be Brown's father.

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"I done thanked everybody I can possibly think of." -- Mary J. Blige, during her second win, after thanking a laundry list of people during her first trip to the podium.

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Biggest reach of the evening: Joan Baez comparing the Dixie Chicks to Woodie Guthrie, and comparing "Not Ready to Make Nice" to "This Land is Your Land." Really, Joan? You should know better.

Lamest Attempt to be Web 2.0 Accessible, Part 1: Justin Timberlake's annoying, zit-revealing JT Cam during "What Goes Around." Who does he think he is, LonelyBoy15?

Lamest Attempt to be Web 2.0 Accessible, part 2: The telecast's endless flogging of the online voting process to find a "winner" to sing with Timberlake at the awards. Why not just base it on who got the most MySpace comments?

Most in need of a prompter: Maybe LeAnn Rimes thought she was being clever going off-book, but her teleprompter avoidance caused her to misidentify the Dixie Chicks' winning "Taking the Long Way" as "Taking the Long Way Home." A mistake she made not once, but twice.

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"I owe everything to Simon Fuller" -- A straight-faced, Carrie Underwood, accepting the Best New Artist Grammy, right after thanking God and her parents.

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Fastest Fingers Award: No, not to Rascal Flatts and their high-school talent show rendition of "Hotel California." And no, not to Red Hot Chili Peppers guitar god John Frusciante, who ripped up the end of "Snow (Hey Oh)." Nope, the honor this night belongs to Amy Lee, the young violinist who unleashed machine-gun-like riffs after being introduced by Academy president Neal Portnow.

And the next Christopher Cross will be ... : In the race to be this year's blandest singer-songwriter, it looks like a toss-up between James Blunt, who officially put the last nail in "You're Beautiful," and John Mayer, who should think about giving up songwriting if he still wants to be taken seriously as a guitarist.

Biggest save: Robyn Troup, who won the aforementioned sing-with-JT "My Grammy Moment" contest and nervously looked like she was going to foul it up when the duo started "Ain't No Sunshine." But once the stutter-step of "My Love" started, Troup found her confidence and became pop-icon sexy.

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"The next band had their jocks in socks way before Justin put his [BLEEP] in a box." -- Chris Rock, introducing the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

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Most overly, um, enthusiastic: Quentin Tarantino, who slurred and screamed the nominees' names for Record of the Year -- he introduced Gnarls Barkley as "GNAAAAAAAAAARLS BARKLEY!" -- then stepped all over Tony Bennett while introducing winners the Dixie Chicks.

Best use of an overused "big rock moment": The Chili Peppers' all-encompassing "Snow" -- actually, just a whole lot of white confetti.

"Gee, that was awkward" award: Asked by fellow presenter Scarlett Johannson if he could share any advice as she records her first album, former Eagle Don Henley simply responded "No."

Strangest shout-outs: Ludacris, who interspersed his acceptance speech for Best Rap Album with typical props (Mom, LA Reid) alongside out-of-nowhere call-outs to various radio stations, Oprah Winfrey and conservative TV pundit Bill O'Reilly.

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"Love to Ornette Coleman" -- the handwritten sign behind Flea, onstage with the Chili Peppers.

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Most one-note performance: Mary J. Blige, who ended "Stay With Me" with a single, lengthy, heartfelt note that proved that Blige isn't just an overdramatic, untalented Diana Ross wannabe, but an overdramatic, extremely talented Diana Ross wannabe.

US Weekly moment of the night: During the red carpet pre-show, E!'s Ryan Seacrest asked John Mayer whether he's really seeing Jessica Simpson. Mayer gave his answer in Japanese, which no doubt sent the network scrambling to find a Japanese translator. Seacrest unveiled the translation near the end of his broadcast. Mayer's message? "She is very beautiful -- and you will be the last to know." Hardly worth the effort, huh?